Sex and Intimacy

5 Reasons Women Are More Into Porn Than Ever

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Back in the (what I call) “Little House on the Prairie” days, it was a goal for men to get married. Not only did it mark the sign of manhood, but also the time when they could actually “get some.” However, thanks to women having, let’s say a different set of standards when it comes to sex and also “thanks” to porn, marriage isn’t that much of a priority anymore.

And you know what? Also due to the changes in society, a lot of women have higher-paying jobs than men. They have their own homes and being a housewife isn’t as celebrated as it used to be (kind of like how being a teacher isn’t treated with the esteem that it deserves either). So, they too don’t feel like marriage is as much of a need as it once was.

Now, in God’s kingdom, no matter what is going on in our culture, marriage is still extremely important (see Genesis 2:18-25Malachi 2:15-16Matthew 19:1-12). But this isn’t a post about marriage: I’m just bringing all of this up as a way to lay the foundation of why women are seemingly now more into porn more than ever.

According to an article that was featured in Huffington Post last November women are more into porn due to the fact that they feel it’s a “work around” cheating, it reduces stress, and they enjoy making their own porn (geez!), but after talking to countless women through X3church and dealing with a lot of sexually broken married couples, I have my own theories.

No one has to know they’re watching it. Look, I’m only 40 and I remember when you had to go to the seedy stores to get video tapes to watch. I also remember putting on what I thought were some pretty cool disguises in order to do it. Why? Well, obviously it wasn’t something that I was very proud of. And really, that’s a good point (about porn) in itself. Matthew 5:14 calls us to be “the light of the world”. Anything you feel bad about doing or you’ve got to sneak to do, you probably shouldn’t do.

Anyway, thanks-but-no-thanks to the internet, women can watch porn from their computers or even their smartphones with no one ever knowing. Except God. And people who hack into their IP address. And their husband or kids if they forget to delete their history. But you get what I’m saying. It’s easier to access so…more women are doing just that.

They claim it teaches them things. If I could shout it on the rooftops, I would. The Church, overall, has done an absolutely horrific job when it comes to dealing with sexuality. So many people don’t understand the purpose of sex (which is oneness more than procreation, by the way) and people don’t feel like they have safe places to go to discuss sexual issues or concerns. And so, a lot of couples are in their bedrooms totally confused on good days and extremely miserable on bad ones.

Therefore, they look to porn as a way to teach them about how to give and receive sexual pleasure. I liken it to being a kid and going to your friends about sex rather than your parents. The information may be incorrect, but at least you’re getting some and it’s a lot more entertaining than “If you have sex before marriage, you’ll go to hell so just don’t do it.” Porn is a horrible instructor. But it’s also not a silent one. Yes y’all, we have a lot of work to do.

Masturbation is less and less taboo. Some women on Huffington Post Live were recently talked about being sexually pure until marriage. This included no masturbating. As a former masturbator, I get the allure (I really do). However, the fact that it’s encouraged in a lot of churches is…baffling to me. But again, when the purpose of sex is not addressed, a lot of things are able to creep in.

Lust is not something that we’re supposed to do (I John 2:16). Sex with ourselves isn’t either (why do you need to “become one” with yourself?). Masturbation is the combination of both of those things. But as more wives are admitting to faking orgasms and more single women are getting married later and later, masturbation is a way to “meet a need”—um, lust. And porn? It’s what helps to get the engines going. The more that we make masturbation “okay”, the more acceptable porn is going to become. (Something to think about, for sure.)

Standards for relationships are dropping. Yeah, go into a room of 50 women and ask them how many are in relationships with men who watch porn? I’m willing to bet good money that if they’re telling the truth, you’re gonna see about half of the hands go up. I have told the story before that my first time watching non-Cinemax porn was with a sex partner who took me to one of his friend’s homes and it was on.

If the man that you love (or have really great sex with) is watching it, it tends to affect you in one of three ways: You’re disgusted, you’re intrigued, or you’re wondering what the women on the flick can do for him that you can’t. If it’s the latter two, that’s pretty much sending you on the path to watching porn yourself either out of curiosity or jealousy. Neither of those is a good foundation for real intimacy. Look, you deserve better. If you’re married to a porn-watcher, insist on him getting some help. If you’re dating someone who does it, do the same. If he refuses, break up. Trust me, the wife with the porn-watcher will tell you that it’s a smart thing to do.

A lot of pop culture is porn. With music videos like “Anaconda” and television shows like Dating Naked around for our perusing “pleasure”, a lot of us don’t even have to download porn. It’s all over pop culture. And so, since we’re used to seeing a lot of what used to be only reserved for HBO’s Real Sex, we don’t even catch that a lot of what’s on television is pornographic. Oh, but spend a week without television and go back to it. You’ll be amazed by how many times “Oh, wow” comes out of your mouth.

Ladies, we are beautiful creatures and our sexuality is a big part of our identity. But porn is not the way to celebrate that. It’s actually a direct attack on it. Give that some thought the next time you’re tempted (I Corinthians 10:13) to watch porn. Indeed, we have the reputation for watching more porn than ever.

But honestly, pun intended and not intended, it’s tainting our image

This article was originally published here and is used with permission.

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