I recently wrote a post called 4 Secrets Husbands don’t tell their Wives which stirred up a lot conversation and debate. As a follow up, many have asked for a list of the “secrets” wives don’t tell their husbands.
Since I’m a guy, I’m obviously not an expert on this, so I asked my amazing wife Ashley, to share her insights. Below are the results of my conversation with Ashley as well as research from the thousands of interactions we’ve had with wives online.
Each marriage is different, so this isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” approach that applies to every wife, but we’re convinced that these “secrets” represent many (if not most) wives. We hope these insights spark more mutual understanding and healthy communication between husbands and wives. That’s the whole point of these posts.
Seven things most women struggle to communicate to their husbands.
1. We want you to be able to read our “Non-verbals”
It’s not that we expect our husbands to be “mind readers” (although that would be nice); we simply want them to be attentive to our nonverbal cues and respond accordingly. We want a bond of communication and intimacy that goes deeper than mere words. In short, we want our husbands to pay attention to us.
2. We often feel like we don’t measure up.
Everywhere we look we see airbrushed supermodels or picture on Instagram from our friends who seem to have perfect houses and perfect children. It can create an overwhelming pressure to “measure up” to impossible standards. We don’t often voice these feelings of inadequacy, but we feel them.
This is a controversial thought, because women are just as capable as men, but it gives us a sense of security when you take on the responsibility to be a Servant-Leader in the home. We never want to be bossed or bullied, but there are times when we want you to take the lead. Your courage and confidence gives us courage and confidence.
4. We want you to pitch in more around the house.
We probably tell you this already, but we think it even more than we say it! We need your partnership in every aspect of parenting and home life. We always think you’re handsome, but you’re smoking hot in those moments we see you doing the dishes or folding laundry!
5. We want to always be beautiful in your eyes.
Whether we’re eighteen or eighty-years-old, we want to know that you think we’re beautiful and you only have eyes for us. Even on the days we’re feeling sick, tired, overweight, frustrated and disappointed with ourselves, your love and adoration has the power to make us feel beautiful.
6. We want you to open up to us.
By your words, your actions, and every part of your life, you’re making us feel either safe and secure or unsteady. We need to know we can trust you with everything. We want you to transparent, vulnerable and honest about everything. Our questions aren’t intended to “interrogate” you, but to connect with every part of your world. When you open up, we get that intimate connection we desire to have with you.
7. We want you to keep pursuing us.
We want you to never stop striving to win our heart. Sure, you’ve already got it, but don’t take it for granted. When you do those little romantic things you did at the beginning of the relationship, it still makes our hearts skip a beat. Keep pursuing us. We want to keep growing closer to you through every season of our life together!
Don't give up on your marriage. It is worth the effort and investment. If you feel like your marriage is struggling, or even failing, there is hope. There is healing.