Sex and Intimacy

Are You Paying for Sex or for Love?

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“Marriage used to be the ultimate goal of boys and men. Because in the olden days, it was the only way that a guy could get what he really wanted from a girl. See now today, things have changed, people. I mean, men don’t have to work as hard to get what we want. We’ve got the internet, for God’s sake. can build whatever I want on the internet. Today, men have the full court advantage.”—Kevin Hart monologue from Think Like a Manmovie

Oh, but do they?

In M. Scott Peck’s classic, Further Along the Road Less Traveled, he penned this: “…sex is the closest that many people ever come to a spiritual experience. Indeed, it is because it is a spiritual experience of sorts that many chase after it with a repetitive, desperate kind of abandon. Often, whether they know it or not, they are searching for God.”

Uh-huh. Or *the way that God does things*. I thought about both of these quotes as I read two interesting “new” stories this week.

The first one was entitled “Men Who Pay For Sex May Also Be Hoping To Find True Love, Study Finds“:

“A recent study reviewing the emotions and motivations of sex workers and the clients who hire them has found that about one-third of men who pay for sex also want to have a personal relationship with their escorts…

The study, which was published in the journal Men and Masculinities, also looked at changes in the way sex worker services are packaged, specifically the increasing popularity of the so-called ‘girlfriend experience,’ in which the relationship between client and service provider becomes purposefully semi-dating in nature.

During such an experience, ‘Sex remains part of the service but it is coupled with mutual sharing, support, and companionship. Like any other commercially packaged leisure activity, intimacy is now readily available for a price,’ the authors wrote.

Intimacy was not the only reason men gave for using sex workers, of course.”

Yeah. I find that to be interesting because I was always told that men don’t pay prostitutes for sex, but for them to leave after the sex.

And then there’s this:

On Salon.com, there was an article entitled, “Can hookups be more fun?“, although it’s actually the subtitle that got my attention: “A new study shows that women are less likely to orgasm during casual sex. It doesn’t have to be that way.” An excerpt from it stated this:

“While practice may not make perfect, there’s something about learning how a partner’s body works over time. Although only 11 percent of women in first-time hookups reported orgasm, 16 percent of women in second- or third-time hookups with the same person had an orgasm, as did one-third in more regular hookups. Women were most likely to have an orgasm during sex with a relationship partner (67 percent of women). In a nationally representative study of Americans’ sex lives, my Indiana University research team found that 64 percent of American women ages 18 to 59 – and 61 percent of college-age women – reported having an orgasm during the most recent sexual event. This compared to 91 percent of men ages 18 to 59 – and 96 percent of college-age men – reporting having had an orgasm during their most recent sexual event. So, yeah – we have a long way to go.”

So, here are my questions for this blog:

When men are buying sex (I wonder why more men aren’t embarrassed about *buying sex*) or watching porn, if the first article is more true than false, is it not so much the sex that they’re after, but they’re paying (or downloading) *the fantasy* of a certain kind f woman; not just to sleep with but to have a relationship with? Are they creating within their mind a kind of relationship that doesn’t really exist? And if so, why? And also if so, is that perhaps why a lot of prostitute buys, strip club goers and porn watchers have a hard time having a *real* relationship with *real* woman?

And when it comes to the gals not “fully being satisfied” from quickie encounters, doesn’t that simply confirm what it seems like so many people want to fight against? That sex is not just a *physical* act but one that taps into our mental, emotional and yes, *spiritual* (being that God created sex) beings as well? I can’t help but wonder if a lot of women who have challenges in this area, do so because they don’t *fully acknowledge and fully expect* their minds and hearts to be “caressed” as well during a sexual encounter. After all, how many guys really care about “your outcome” if it’s just a hook-up? They don’t even know you well enough to care. Brings a whole ‘new meaning to “Haste makes waste”, doesn’t it?

What’s y’alls thoughts on both studies?

Sound off…

This article was originally published here and is used with permission.

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