Sex and Intimacy

Did God Really Create Men To Be Horny?

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If you want to get me on a soapbox, get me to talking about how poorly the Church overall has taught the purpose and beauty of sex. I believe I’ve shared before that I once said to a wife (who happens to be divorced now, by the way) as she was going on and on about how she doesn’t feel like having sex that “It would be ‘funny’ if we both went to hell. Me for having sex outside of marriage and you for not having enough sex within your marriage.” (It was about 10 years ago; I’ve been abstinent going on nine years now.)

And before anyone flips out, let me just say that one of my all-time favorite “hell quotes” is “Hell is truth seen too late.” A man by the name of Thomas Hobbes said that. I dig it because it’s a reminder that we can create our own hell right here on earth by the choices that we make. And don’t make.

Case in point. I Corinthians 7:5 (NLT) tells us, “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” And yet, when I counsel couples who are not having sex on a consistent basis (meaning it’s been months, easily) and ALL HELL STARTS TO BREAK LOOSE, I’ll oftentimes ask “What did you think was going to happen? Sex is not just about physical pleasure. It’s a form of spiritual connection and protection as well.

Sex is also something that God created, not us.

Whenever I read a question like “Did God create men to be horny?” it gets under my skin, like the whole “Be a lady in the streets and a whore in the bedroom” declaration that so many women—both in and out of the Church—seem to think is necessary. It’s not.

Being the one who makes your husband’s toes curl doesn’t make you a “ho;” it makes you a woman who loves her husband and desires to please him. That is a godly quality.

That’s how I feel about this question.

First up, in a healthy relationship, both a husband and a wife should (and usually do) have a healthy sex drive.  And a lot of women are even more amorous than their husbands. Actually, even as I penned this, I received a text from a girlfriend of mine who’s been married for many years, asking me to pray for her and her husband tonight because she’s wanting to have sex and she’s in overdrive while he tends to be neutral more often than she.

So did God make men to be horny? Well, if you think the word horny means things like “callous” and “sexually excited in a vulgar kind of way,” then the answer is no. We were made in the image of God in order to reflect his likeness (Genesis 1:26-28) and so no, we’re not made to be horny.

At the same time, did God make man to desire his wife physically, emotionally and spiritually? You had better believe it! It’s extremely unfortunate that far too many of us have been conditioned (or is it brainwashed?) to think that a man who has sex on the brain is crass and needs to get himself under control. No, a man (or woman) who has illicit sex on the brain needs to do that.

However, when a husband and wife join together in sexual union, that is beautiful.

That is special.

That is godly.

Spiritual things happen then (I Corinthians 6:16-Message). So, what’s wrong with a man who wants to do that as much as possible? Correction, as much as possible…with his wife?

No, I’m not saying that a man shouldn’t take his wife’s wants and needs, even when it comes to sexual desires and scheduling, into account. A good lover is going to do that already. I’m simply addressing the question in the way that it was presented. God made man to be a sexual being, yes. And when a man is married, when he has taken vows (Ephesians 5:1-7) to love and nourish and cherish his wife (Ephesians 5:22-33), then sexual union is a part of that. And in order to have sexual union, there must be sexual desire.

Bottom line, God did not make a man to be horny. He made men to desire sex with their helpmate. It’s as simple as that, and thank God for it. In fact, you could thank Him every time you join together with your spouse. (And prayerfully, that’s more times than not!)

This article was originally published here and is used with permission.

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