In my years of working with married couples, I’ve discovered that many marital problems can be traced to issues, struggles and frustrations related to SEX. Most couples face the frustration of having one spouse with a consistently stronger sex drive than the other which often leads to question, how often should a married couple have sex?
Below, I’ve listed six reasons why more frequency in your lovemaking could help you, but before we get there, I want to do something different. Instead of launching into this discussion with stats and opinions, I’m going to do something unexpected.
I’m going to share what the Bible has to say on the subject. You might have thought the Bible was boring or irrelevant, but it’s actually the greatest marriage manual ever written! Here’s one surprising passage about sex in marriage…
“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
This passage above is essentially saying that a married couple should make love as often as either one of the spouse’s wants to. This is pretty revolutionary. When a couple waits until both spouses are equally in the mood, it will rarely happen! This model requires a mindset of mutual submission and selflessness for the sake of the other which will not only improve your sex life, but it’s also a great approach to improving the other aspects of your marriage.
As it relates to your marriage, I’d encourage you to make love as often as the spouse with the higher drive wants to. This isn’t practical 100% of time, but make it your goal not to “deprive each other” and as the frequency of your lovemaking increases, your overall connectedness as a couple will probably increase as well (for the reasons listed below).
When a couple isn’t consistently connecting in the bedroom, it can start having some major repercussions in other areas of the relationship. When you make consistent lovemaking a habit in your marriage, you’ll be strengthening the marriage in all kinds of ways. Here are just a few examples of how more sex in your marriage could have huge impacts:
• It will bring you and your spouse closer together on a physical, emotional and even spiritual level.
• Studies suggest high sexual frequency can impact your overall health and well-being.
• A recent study on CNN.com suggests that frequent sex (they defined it as at least 3-4 times per week) could actually make you more successful and profitable in your career.
• Greater frequency can lower levels of stress and sexual frustration in your marriage.
• Greater frequency can statistically lower the risk and temptations that can lead to adultery.
• Greater frequency is FUN. Do you really need more reasons?
Don't give up on your marriage. It is worth the effort and investment. If you feel like your marriage is struggling, or even failing, there is hope. There is healing.