Sex and Intimacy

Should I Perform Like a Porn Star? – Remix

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During this month we will be revisiting some of the most viewed blogs over the last year. We would love to see your comments about how these have affected you or how it made you feel.

At times in my marriage, I felt like my husband wanted me to perform like a porn star.  I felt pressured to act and be someone I was not.  I believed if I could perform like a porn star then maybe he would want me more… maybe our sex life would finally have that missing link and finally feel complete.  I knew something was missing, but what?  I couldn’t quite figure out what it was we both needed in the bedroom.

Sadly, I could never fully meet my husband’s needs and desires because they were unrealistic.  They were based on the world’s view of sex.  I discovered this great article, “Toxic Porn, Toxic Sex:  A Real Look at Pornography” (McConnell, G).  Here’s an excerpt from it below:

“One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted.  The porn culture tells you that sex, love and intimacy are all the same thing. In porn, people have sex with total strangers — people they just met. All that matters is my (self) satisfaction. It doesn’t matter whose body I’m using, as long as I get it. Porn gets you to think that sex is something you can have anytime, anywhere, with anyone, with no consequences.

The problem with porn’s shallow perspective is that relationships are not built on sex, but on commitment, caring and mutual trust. In that context, like fire in the fireplace, sex is wonderful. Being with someone who loves and accepts you, someone who is committed to you for your whole lives together, someone you can give yourself completely to, that is what makes sex really great.”

 Thank God, my husband and I are both in recovery and we have discovered the missing link in our bedroom.  It wasn’t me acting like a porn star and being someone I was not.  It was both of us coming together to reclaim God’s gifts to us as we changed our view of sex.  We discovered that sex is beautiful and there is nothing dirty about it.  It belongs to God and was created by God, NOT the Porn industry, to unite couples together, as one flesh. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.  Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame (Genesis: 2:24-25).”

If you are struggling in the marriage bed, I challenge you to study the Bible and what it says about sex.  If your spouse is actively involved in a sex addiction, please seek help from a recovery group and/or a counselor that can help you discover the true gift of sex.  Also, xxxchurch has some great resources as well.  Please know that sex is not anything like the porn industry portrays it to be.  There is always help available and hope offered through our Lord Jesus Christ!  Seek healing and seek the Truth!

This article was originally published here and is used with permission.

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