Communication

The Best Marriage Advice Ever

Tweet about this on Twitter5Share on Facebook148.6kPin on Pinterest668

When Ashley and I got married thirteen years ago, we were young and in love, but we were also pretty clueless (me especially)! Along the way, we’ve had so many people share wise advice and life experiences with us which has helped guide our family through good times and hard times. Through the years, I’ve been collecting some of the best marriage advice others have shared with us (and some I had to learn through my own mistakes).

If you’ll apply these twenty-five principles below to your relationship, it could make a life-changing difference in your marriage! 

In no particular order:

1. Choose to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.

2. Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling and when possible, try to keep your phone off when you’re together with your spouse.

3. Make time together a priority. Budget for a consistent date night. Time is the “currency of relationships” so consistently invest time into your marriage.

4. Surround yourself with friends who will strengthen your marriage and remove yourself from people who may tempt you to compromise your character.

Print5. Make laughter the soundtrack of your marriage. Share moments of joy, and even in the hard times, find reasons to laugh.

6. In every argument, remember that there won’t be a “winner” and a “loser.” You are partners in everything so you’ll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution.

7. Remember that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It’s usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak. (This is one of the many wise nuggets from my amazing wife, Ashley!)

8. Prioritize what happens in the bedroom. It takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it’s nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it!

9. Remember that marriage isn’t 50-50, divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It’s not splitting everything in half, but both partners giving everything they’ve got!

10. Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you’ve given your best to everyone else.

11. Learn from other people, but don’t feel the need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone else’s. God’s plan for your life is masterfully unique!

12. Don’t put your marriage on hold while you’re raising your kids or else you’ll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.

13. Never keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.

14. Never lie to each other. Lies break trust and trust is the foundation of a strong marriage.

15. When you’ve made a mistake, admit it and humbly seek forgiveness. You should be quick to say, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” 

16. When your husband/wife breaks your trust, give them your forgiveness instantly which will promote healing and create the opportunity for trust to be rebuilt. You should be quick to say, “I love you. I forgive you. Let’s move forward.”

17. Be patient with each other. Your spouse is always more important that your schedule.

18. Model the kind of marriage that will make your sons want to grow up to be good husbands and your daughters want to grow up to be good wives.

19. Be your spouse’s biggest encourager, not his/her biggest critic. Be the one who wipes away their tears, not the one who causes them.

20. Never talk badly about your spouse to other people or vent about them online. Protect your spouse at all times and in all places.

21. Always wear your wedding ring. It will remind you that you’re always connected to your spouse and it will remind the rest of the world that you’re off limits!

22. Connect into a community of faith. A good church can make a world of difference in your marriage and family.

23. Pray together. Every marriage is stronger with God in the middle of it.

24. When you have to choose between saying nothing or saying something mean to your spouse, say nothing every time!

25. Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other!


fightingformymarriage-05 Don't give up on your marriage. It is worth the effort and investment. If you feel like your marriage is struggling, or even failing, there is hope. There is healing.

Fight For Your Marriage Today!

 

This article was originally published here and is used with permission.

Tweet about this on Twitter5Share on Facebook148.6kPin on Pinterest668

You Might Also Like

  • John Weshley

    Hlo sir/mam. I’m born in Hindu religious and I don’t serious with it. So my affection with daughter of my elder sister. Can we marry or not..?

    • Carol

      Hello, no u can NOT marry your sisters daughter. She is your family. Your niece to say. No No No.

  • Christine

    My husband and I are having several problems. To say he is fiscally irresponsible is an understatement. He was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth, mommy paid for everything, he never learned the value of a dollar or the responsibility of having to maintain a standard of living on his income. I’ve shouldered the finances for 4 years, I HAD a savings before we met. He is 42 and mommy still bails him out…they live with us now which makes things even worse.
    We have baby #2 on the way and I told him that he has to get rid of his mustang because two baby seats will not fit in the back seat…that and I don’t think it’s very safe.
    I’ve had to sacrifice and trade in my nice car for a minivan. But to ask him to do the same for the sake of his family, and trade in his teenager’s wet dream of a car for something practical and safe for his family is like asking him to cut his ear off.
    He wants to COMPROMISE by trading his mustang for a luxury Audi…that he certainly can’t afford.
    I showed him the budget and told him what he could reasonably afford with his still owing $24k on the car…he doesn’t seem to hear that part, and when he shows me a car he wants and I don’t go past the price because it’s out of his price range, he gets mad at me. So his response is, well then I’ll just keep the mustang, he doesn’t understand that the mustang is the problem. Does he think money grows on trees? Yet he still expects me to co-sign for it…nope.

    He got demoted yesterday. It’s a constant cycle with him, he gets a job, complains about it for 6 months, looses it and winds up unemployed for another six…meanwhile I’m left to cover all the finances… It’s been this way for 4 years now. I’m left picking up all of the financial slack while he sits on his duff and makes out a list of things he WON’T do rather than what he HAS to do to support his family. Still thinking like a single man.
    So understandably I’m upset and disappointed in him for not being proactive about protecting his job, he’s white, and being discriminated against by a black supervisor/team. He did nothing to try to protect his position when they had a meeting yesterday to demote him, just rolled over and let them step on him and take a chunk out of his paycheck. The woman belittled and berated him. The truth is, this black woman, who is only in her position because of her skin color and what’s between her legs, is intimidated by his experience and that he’s a skilled white man who may eventually take her job because he’s better at it than she is…so she had him fired before he could go anywhere with the team.
    When I expressed my displeasure with his lack of proactive actions and lack of a spine to stand up for himself he said to me “thanks for the support.” What am I supposed to do? Coddle him, throw him a pity party, say “congrats on making me pick up more of your financial slack once again?” Should I tell this 42 year old man-child that “it’s ok, it’ll be alright” when this is all we go through? Every job he’s had since I’ve know him I’ve gotten for him because he has zero ambition to do anything on his own unless it’s this ONE thing…that he hasn’t been able to come to terms with the fact that it’ll probably never happen for him….and we can’t afford for him to not work…so if I don’t do it, we’ll be homeless basically.
    He’s about to see the difference in what used to be my support, to no support.
    How am I supposed to treat him like a VIP when he can’t seem to figure out what it means to be responsible for a wife, children and household??
    I have so much contempt and resentment towards him I can’t even look at him these days.

    • Shannon Hausner

      Remember rule 20.

      • Nartles

        No.

    • Therese

      I assume his supervisor sees in him what you see in him. And yet you’re convinced that she’s threatened by him?

      I don’t blame you for being bitter. But that can’t be a starting point, within or without this marriage.

      Couples therapy has greatly improved in the past decade. I highly recommend the work of Sue Johnson. The Gottmans are also good.

      Good luck.

  • Sunny

    My husband is a tyrant. If I ask him a question and he doesn’t want to answer, he ignores me and just does whatever. Like when company is coming over I ask if we are eating indoors or out, so I know if I should wash off the outdoor furniture, he won’t answer me. I call him on it and he starts an argument or talks to me like I am stupid. I feel like going on a trip for a while to see how he likes life without me.

    • RoPovlo

      Maybe he should read these 25 rules as should you. #20 in particular for you.

    • Shannon Hausner

      You just broke rule 20 🙁 You and your hubs should read these.

    • Annie

      I believe being apart will do you both some good. It will hopefully allow him to appreciate you more and be more respectful! Good luck 🙂

    • Nartles

      Leave the monster. And forget what the others are commenting. These are opinions, not rules. Hardly even guidelines when you consider half of them are wrong. The forced consideration of children, the lack of same-sex consideration, the forced religious aspect.

  • stressed woman

    My husband and I have been married for 7 years. Although I am a professional accountant, I haven’t been able to get a good job. Over the years, my husband has been insulting me telling me how incompetent I am, how incapable I am, he critics everything I do or say. He has refused me driving his car until I can afford one myself, insisting we should share financial responsibilities equally even with my small pay.when my parents come to our house he ignores them yet I have taken his parents as my own. He continually insults me before our kids and the nanny. Should I stay or quit the marriage? stressed woman

    • Shannon Hausner

      First, remember rule #20. Second, I would look into seeing a marriage counselor.

      • Nartles

        These are not rules. They’re ideas posted by a person with a particular set of opinions. You do not have to follow a single one. You can pick and choose. That’s the great thing about choice.

    • Jerry

      Have you talked to him about it ?

    • Therese

      Start with couples therapy. And please do seek help! His behavior towards you is unacceptable.

  • Bryanna Richards

    Wish there was a version that didn’t include children references. Not all of us can have kids. 🙁 Otherwise I’d share this because it is great. But, for me, children references are painful.

    • RoPovlo

      Be more open minded and think of those as your close friends and others that may look up to you. Family, colleagues, etc. I have never read a short article on a read topic that hits every crevice for everyone. That’s like saying your horoscope and astronomy is always correct.

      • Bryanna Richards

        Agree to disagree. It’s painful, so my original comment stands. I should not have to change my feelings to suit society. Thanks tho.

        • Gerli Kai Traksmann

          There’s always an option to adoption. We are having our first baby and we are also going to adopt. There are so many kids, who doesn’t have a family.
          And do you know, there is no woman who can not have a child. for example Mark 11:23, and more, (what you say, will become to you,- and believe it)

          • Bryanna Richards

            Adoption is not an option. You don’t know my story. Thank you.

          • Laura

            I found this article FANTASTIC even though I am not religious. You don’t need to have every one of these suit you perfectly to follow the others.

          • Bryanna Richards

            Wow. Wouldn’t it be great if someone could just post an opinion and not have it torn apart or judged? You people are awful. Worry about yourselves. Post your own post and stay off mine. You don’t have to agree with me but you don’t have to tear me down or try to sway my opinion either!

          • Kristy Odell

            Perhaps, you are too sensitive. You shut down the article because it does not flow with your life to the T. Some people do not believe in God and there is advice that mentions God. Read what applies to you and scroll past what doesn’t, as you ask about your comments. I normally wouldn’t comment, but you just seem to be almost begging for more comments. Plus with your “Adoption is not an option” line. If you really wanted kids, it could be done. Anything is possible. Perhaps its just an option that offends you in some way or something, but let’s be real, it’s your choice to mope around on inspiring marriage posts, and make it known to the world that you can’t have kids and don’t like anything that has to do with kids. I hope you have a wonderful marriage and that this article helps guide you, of course not the parts about being a model marriage, since you don’t have kids to be a model for.

        • Stacie

          Bryanna…I’m sorry for your circumstances, but I do feel you should be a little more open-minded. No, not everyone has or can have kids. However, when kids are involved, it’s very important to consider the effects of the family/relationship on their emotional growth/well-being. Obviously, kids are very important to you. If one day you do have a child through adoption or whatever route, I’m sure you will want your relationship with your spouse to have a positive effect on your child. Remember…you are a child of your parents, and their relationship had an effect on you growing up….and most likely still does.

          I think it’s important to not get offended by bits and pieces of things (such as this article) that aren’t tailored to fit your exact situation. Each and every person could most likely find something in everything that doesn’t fit their situation exactly. Instead, look for the parts that do fit and will help you in some way.

          Best wishes.

          • Bryanna Richards

            Agree to disagree, I am entitled to my opinion. I shouldn’t have to be open to things that are hurtful to me. Rather, people should also respect my perspective. Adoption is not an option. Children are NOT an option. Only my marriage. So again, you don’t know me and placing your opinion on me to change mine is wrong. If you disagree, the right thing to do is keep scrolling.

            “Best wishes”

    • Shannon Hausner

      Agree, Bryanna

  • Shannon Hausner

    What a wonderful article. Definitely saving this.

  • Alex Timson

    Brilliant list. Every couple can benefit from applying these principles to their relationship. I love the very last rule: “Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other!”

    It’s important to remember that every marriage has it’s problems and nothing worth having comes easy. If you’re having marriage issues, it’s really worth checking out mend the marriage by Brad Browning. His tips and advice is really helpful. Here’s a direct link to his video / guide: MendMarriageGuide.COM

    This list should be obligatory to read when you get married! 🙂

    • CocoLena

      Well said and thanks for the great share.

      Yes I think this list needs printing out and putting on the fridge!

  • Nartles

    Missing consideration for same-sex couples, which is disappointing. Also, the faith and religion part is unnecessary considering over a quarter of the population consider themselves non-religious. It may be helpful to those couples who decide to follow a religion, but for the rest of us, moot.

  • And The Truth Is

    And what about many of us very good men that are very unlucky in love which we have really no control over since unfortunately we keep meeting the Wrong Women all the time?

    • Therese

      The common denominator in you always meeting the wrong women is you. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you! But it does mean that you likely have some patterns to shift in life. Good luck.

  • Mary Rooney

    I think this list is great, these are the beliefs of my husband and I. He is an incredible man and an even more incredible blessing and I love him more with every day that passes. Great list.

  • Alex Timson

    Brilliant list. I love the very last rule: “Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other!”

    It’s important to remember that every marriage has it’s problems. I feel like social media (Particularly Facebook) can paint this unrealistic picture of marriage. Facebook is just a highlight reel, not reality.
    If you’re having marriage issues, it’s really worth checking out ‘Mend The Marriage’ by Brad Browning. He shares some brilliant techniques to strengthen your relationship. Here’s a direct link to his guide: MendMarriageGuide.Com

    This list should be obligatory to read when you get married! 🙂