I recently sat down with my friend Bob (real guy, but this is not his real name). With tears in his eyes, Bob confessed that he had turned his marriage upside down by sleeping with a woman at work and getting her pregnant. His wife was heartbroken. They had just had their first child a few months before she discovered the affair and that her husband had impregnated his mistress. It was a heartbreaking mess!
Divorce seemed like the only option for Bob. He was ready to throw in the towel and start a new life with this new woman. I helped Bob think about the future he really wanted and he finally admitted that he wanted a future with his wife and son, but he thought that future was now impossible because of the choices he had made.
I told him it all came down to how he answered one question (and how his wife chose to answer the same question). I asked him, “What are you willing to do for your marriage?” It’s the question that will make or break your marriage. When it comes down to it, it’s not what we want or what we dream about or what we wish for; it comes down to action. What are we willing to do to build the marriage we want to have.
Bob ultimately implemented the game plan that we outline in the new 30-Day Marriage Challenge. It’s been five years since I sat down for coffee with Bob that day, and I’m thrilled to announce that his marriage is restored. They’re not just surviving; they’re actually thriving! Now, as a disclaimer, that kind of broken trust and devastation took some major repair work over an extended period of time.
Bob even transferred to a different office to not be in proximity to this other woman, but by Bob choosing to go “all in” to save his marriage, and by his wife extending the radical grace that allowed him the opportunity to rebuild trust, healing was possible. I remember thinking that if Bob’s marriage could be saved, ANY marriage could be saved. I don’t know what you’ve been through in your marriage, but HEALING IS POSSIBLE IN YOUR MARRIAGE TOO!
Hopefully, your marriage isn’t facing the crisis that Bob’s faced, but every marriage has challenges. Don’t settle for “surviving” in your marriage when you should be thriving in your marriage! You and your spouse can and should have the marriage you’ve both dreamed of having (with each other and not with somebody else)! It all starts with that one simple question…What are you willing to do for your marriage?
Don't give up on your marriage. It is worth the effort and investment. If you feel like your marriage is struggling, or even failing, there is hope. There is healing.