Sex wasn’t something we talked much about at my house growing up. Yes, my dad gave me the ol’ birds and bees talk and yes, I was taught that God wanted me to save sex for marriage. Thankfully, that teaching took. I made it to marriage a virgin. But I can tell you waiting was not always easy. So what do I wish my parents told me about sex?
1. It’s Awesome. I wish my parents talked more about how awesome it is and how great it is to share that kind of intimacy with someone you’ve promised to spend the rest of your life with. Of course parents don’t usually sit around the dinner table and say to their kids, “Sex is so awesome!” or “Your mom is one hot lover!”. That would be really awkward and probably cause some sort of psychological damage. My wife and I are not shy about kissing if front of our kids but that alone causes groans and comments like “Could you stop that!”. So how do you share with your kids how wonderful the gift of sex is?
2. It Should be Enjoyed. It’s just not a box on the checklist or something we have to do, we GET to do it. One way to demonstrate this is to show your love for each other in front of your kids. That says a lot. Holding hands with your spouse, kissing (I’m not talking major make out session), hugging and saying “I Love You” models a lot to your kids about your love life. Sure you’ll hear the occasional groan or sense their embarrassment when you plant a kiss on your spouses’ lips; but they’re seeing the intimacy you share with each other and no one else. Just like sex is something you share with just your spouse and no one else.
3. It’s Not a “Talk” – it’s “Talks”- Keep the conversation going with your kids, don’t just talk once…talk about it the rest of your life. You can take this one step farther as your kids get older by having frank discussions with them on the topic. Not birds and bees stuff but really being open with them about sex and letting them know they can ask any questions they have. But you can’t wait around and hope they ask you something. Typically you have to bring up the topic. Lets face it they have questions and they’re going to find the answers somewhere – their friends, the Internet – both not good places to get the right answers. So approach your kids on the sometimes uncomfortable topic of sex with openness and frankness. The more you talk about it the less awkward it gets. Then maybe someday you can come to the dinner table and say “Sex is awesome!”.