Sex is a beautiful, pleasurable and vital part of marriage, but sadly, most married couples aren’t too thrilled with their sex lives. There are many reasons for this, but one of the main reasons is a simple misunderstanding about how men and women view sex differently. These differences listed below don’t hold true in every case, but they’re accurate in most marriages. I hope these explanations create a deeper understanding and more intimate connection in your marriage.
These differences don’t make one spouse’s way “right” and the other “wrong.” Rather, these differences (like all differences in marriage) provide an opportunity for a husband and wife to work together with mutual respect and thoughtfulness to serve one another and reach a healthy solution together. It all begins with understanding your differences. Regardless of whether or not this list below is 100% accurate for you, talk to your spouse about his/her needs, desires and apprehensions. Greater communication creates better sex (and improves the other aspects of your marriage too)!
In most (not all) marriages, men and women view sex differently in the following ways:
As you can imagine, this subtle difference in thinking can create HUGE amounts of unnecessary frustration and miscommunication. If each spouse will adjust his/her expectations accordingly and talk through this difference, you might instantly improve your sex life. For more on this, check out our video course on sex and intimacy in marriage.
2. During sex, men tend to worry about their PERFORMANCE and women tend to worry about their APPEARANCE.
Even for couples who have been married for decades and are very comfortable with each other, there is still often an element of insecurity in the bedroom. It can be awkward to talk about this, so most couples avoid openly discussing it, but opening up about your apprehensions and insecurities can bond you together in a new way. Vulnerability paves the way to intimacy.
3. Men tend to THINK about sex much more often than women and women tend to think about all the other aspects of the relationship much more often than men.
The average man has a sexual thought every thirty seconds. It’s literally on our minds ALL the time. Women think about sex as well, but usually far less often. Women tend to think about other aspects of the relationship and are more in tune with the emotional connection, areas of potential disconnect, verbal communication and non-verbal communication in the marriage. She craves connection in all of these areas. She will feel most connected sexually when she feels a strong connection in these other areas of the marriage.
For more ways to build a stronger marriage, check out our video course on sex and intimacy in marriage by clicking here.
Don't give up on your marriage. It is worth the effort and investment. If you feel like your marriage is struggling, or even failing, there is hope. There is healing.