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4 Simple Ways To Get Your Wife In The Mood

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If there is one common question that resides in the minds and hearts (and pants) of men, it is this:

How do I get my wife in the mood for sex?”

Let’s be honest: we men can be a little greedy. It’s not always good enough just to have sex with our spouse.

We want them to actually like it.
We want them to “want” it.
We want them to be in the mood for it.

But this is sometimes—oftentimes—more difficult to accomplish than one might think.

After all, women are very different from men. You probably have heard this saying before but it’s true:

Men are microwaves, while women are slow cookers.

In other words, most women don’t get turned on by the flip of a switch. Usually it takes some stage-setting and, dare I say, strategy.

But how do we do it?

Unfortunately there are a lot of lazy husbands out there. Guys who just expect sex but who don’t want to invest in the process. Maybe that’s you, and if it is, let me just say: grow up and stop being such a tool.

However, we do live in hectic culture. With work, kids, and the like, it can prove difficult to lay out a well-conceived, well-executed plan to get your sweetheart in the right mood and in the bedroom.

So with that in mind, I want to give you four simple things that will help you get your wife in the mood:

1. Do the dishes.

Listen, one thing I’ve realized is that for many women, acts of service are huge on their love language list. This is very true with my wife. (If you are unfamiliar with each others’ love language, I suggest this terrific marriage assessment tool).

Telling her “I love you” is not as powerful as showing her “I love you.”

So when I do things like cook dinner, clean the shower, vacuum, or do the dishes, I score HUGE points with her and help my case for an evening of good loving.

Hint: Cooking dinner might seem a little extravagant for a few of you. In that case just start with the simple things like dishes. Seriously, if you can’t do the dishes for sex than you just don’t deserve to have it.

Print2. Get her flowers.

Yes, it sounds cliché (that’s because it is), but some flowers now and then score points with the Mrs.

In my wife’s case, gifts are not a big deal. It’s not a top love language for her. But flowers? Especially for no reason? Those are welcomed.

Everyone likes a surprise.
Everyone likes a gift now and then, especially when they aren’t expecting it.

Hint: Guys, go out and buy some flowers, NOT lingerie. Something simple. Something pretty. You just want to say, “Hey I was thinking about you today.” (Side note: If you have a daughter, bring her flowers, too. That will be awesome for your daughter, and your wife will like it as well.)

3. Tell her she’s great.

This is a not-so-fancy way of saying “affirm” her. Your wife needs to know what you think about her. (Of course if you think she’s a nagging wench, you might want to skip to point 4 and also read a different blog post and maybe go see a counselor.)

As men, we generally aren’t very big on talk. My closest friends don’t need to text me or call me every day to tell me that they think I’m great and are thinking of me.

Honestly, if they did, I would worry.

But your wife is a different story. She needs to know that you love her.

She needs to know you find her desirable.
That you think she’s attractive.
That she’s a great mom.
That you are proud of her.

Got it?

Don’t fool yourself and think she already knows. She doesn’t. Tell her she’s awesome and that will boost her confidence, which will often boost her “mood.”

Hint: You may be forgetful like me. Cheat. Set a reminder on your phone to text or call her. It works. Eventually it will become a habit and you won’t need the reminders. I’ve done it myself.

4. Touch her, but not like that.

Seriously, guys: NOT LIKE THAT!

This is the funny thing. Many women want physical touch, but they want it in a different way than most men.

They want to hold hands. Maybe a casual back scratch or absentminded playing with their hair. They want simple acts of physical intimacy.

They don’t want you grind your crotch against her while she’s trying to cook dinner. Seriously guys, that’s an injury looking to happen and are you really going to have sex on a hot stove?

Hint: Try doing this when you are with the kids, at the mall, or in church. I’m not talking about a demonstration of full-on PDA, but just a simple, quick touch. You want to show her intimacy when the connection to sex isn’t so obvious. Simply put, don’t wait until bedtime to do your handholding.

Now I know some of what I have said here is a bit humorous but it’s all true and very practical.

The bottom line is this: If you want to get your wife in the mood you need to love her more.

You need to show her you care through simple acts of kindness and intentionality.


If the only reason you do these things is to score in the bedroom then you are on the wrong track and the results will not be what you hoped for.

The reality is, you can’t be lazy.

There is no quick fix.
There is no magic pill.

Love her better and love her more. Being a good husband is the ultimate secret to getting her in the mood.

fightingformymarriage-05 Don't give up on your marriage. It is worth the effort and investment. If you feel like your marriage is struggling, or even failing, there is hope. There is healing.

Fight For Your Marriage Today!


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  • Madelyn Lang

    I’m sorry to say this, but if I see “do the dishes” one more time on a list of things husbands can do to put their wives in the mood…
    This facile advice is so wrong in so many ways.
    Nowhere in a wife’s psyche does a man doing housework equal desire. There is no connection. My husband could do all my work for ten years and it would have zero impact on whether I wanted to be intimate with him. We’re supposed to be so overwhelmed with gratitude that he washed some dishes that it causes us to want to give ourselves to them? Think about it.
    This advice taken to its logical conclusion suggests that a wife’s level of desire for sex is simply a matter of deciding to want sex; it’s a matter of persuasion. That if a man appeases her enough, she will consent. In the best, most loving marriage, a wife may find herself frustrated by the fact that, even though she wants very much to please her husband–wants to want to—many factors may make it difficult to feel it.
    Please don’t promote this awful advice.

    • Madelyn, apparently you need to reread the post. “Doing the dishes” or any act of service/expression of affection is not about appeasing … its’ about serving. It’s about speaking in a person’s “love language.” In fact I make the specific point that if the only reason you are doing these things is to get sex your thinking is all wrong. READ THE POST.

      • Madelyn Lang

        Your caps are unnecessary.

        Perhaps I wasn’t as clear as I thought. I would ask you to reread my comment.

        Of course every husband ought to be kind, considerate and selfless toward his wife.
        Men are called to serve their wives. Women are called serve their husbands. And a relationship which is characterized by selfless service and genuine affection is probably one which is physically potent as a result. Of course. But isn’t getting up early in the morning every day to go to work and provide for his family service enough?

        The logical implication of the service suggestion is that if the man learns his wife’s “love language” and performs the right acts of service, even with the highest and most unselfish motives, a wife is likely to respond with physical intimacy. Is this not the logic?

        My real point was that this is simplistic and misleading. The assertion that helping with the housework is likely to result in changing a woman’s mood is a myth. If only it were that easy. There is no connection between such acts and the sparking of physical intimacy. A woman’s desire is a tricky thing, and there are aspects of it which are difficult to direct by the will.
        My husband has a said, “He’s worth the effort; she’s worth the wait.” In other words, women and men are different by design. The differences in desire are built in for good reasons. One of the reasons is so that we can learn to love unselfishly where it really counts.

        • Nicole Ramirez

          No its not enough. Men and women both get in routines and forget to acknowledge and appreciate one another. I liked the article and can understand what he is saying, but of course everyone is different in their relationship needs, that’s where communication comes in?

          • Kent

            I have been married for 35 years to the same woman, an now our love life has completely zonk likely ever have sex what can i do to help things anyone have ideals.

        • James

          I am in this boat now after 10 years of marriage and two young children. I think the big issue is that women get bored easier than men. My wife has worked very little over the last 5 years and I have been able at times double my income, provide a love home, buy her a nice new car, lovely holidays etc. I wonder if the key is to unsettle her bit and not be as predictable, which may help her boredom

      • Psalm72:8 is Canada’s foundat

        Great post. I had mentioned in a couple of comments what may contribute to the healthiness of peoples sex lives. God has given us natural grown foods we can grow in our own gardens with aphrodisiac benefits. We have strayed from these foods which would shut our sex glands and desires down. ALSO… iodine is essential for ALL glands (and all aspects of life). Iodine use to be in ALL soils leaving all matter of life and food to grow with iodine saturated inside of them. Pesticides depleated our soils of iodine and because iodine is essential for preventing all diseases and illnesess and cancers and mental illnesess we are now dealing with a pandemic that will never go away which includes the shut down of sex as we know it. This is unless you use iodized salt with every meal (contrary to dr.s advice of course). There are also suppliments called iodine extract. We just need to get back to these natural God given elements and foods and the rest will come a little easier.

    • guera

      him doing the dishes turns me on. i guess every woman is different.

      • Anthony Gentry

        Yep – I work 2 jobs, do the dishes, wash clothes, cook, clean etc….I have less sex than most of my friends. My wife has unrealistic expectations to say the least

        • Psalm72:8 is Canada’s foundat

          I was in your shoes before. Nothing was good enough for my wife. I learned that sitting at the table for supper with no tv but some nice radio in the background helped. I was extremely honest with my wife about our serious lack of sex. She put a wall up right away. Research natural aphrodisiacs such as honey garlic and ginger (there are many more out there of course). The other thing you might want to consider is iodine extract. Our foods use to all grow with the much needed element of iodine which is essential to every aspect of life including sex glands and being turned on and stuff. Doing these things could have immediate effects but in general it is a process and needs to be constant. Dont give up i didnt and now im reaping the benefits big time. We hardly have a day where we don’t have sex now days. Even “that time of month” she still takes time to please me and we have kids yet (but kids sleep).

    • Erin

      I think the idea he was going for is “do little acts of service”… I can actually tell you, on our anniversary I came home from grocery shopping and he had cleaned the kitchen top to bottom and that meant more than anything else he bought me/ did for me on for our anniversary. It also indicated to me, that he wanted to spend time with me when I came home, because he knew I would have to do that before I could relax with him. Exactly as some others have mentioned, everyone is different. Perhaps paying attention to how your wife receives love is a big part of this.

    • Jerry

      What do you suggest? A lot of criticism on this comment, but no solutions. What advice do you have for me struggling with wives who have not made the choice to want to have sex with their husbands.

      • Peter

        Women do not know what they want. So this is why they will never ever tell you directly I want this and that. Instead they use general words like “I want to feel loved” And they don’t even know how to feel loved what is behind those words what action should a man take. Good luck ! 🙂

    • Dean Michael Osborne

      I see this is an old post
      But I thought I’d respond anyway
      I don’t think it’s awful advice
      Me and my wife have been struggling for a while
      We are on the mend now
      Basically we had a very ‘old fashioned’ relashionship
      I worked long hours and never knew when I’d be home
      And hated my job
      My wife was at home with the kids
      I was like an extra child and didn’t do anything at home
      I rationalised this as I was working long hours
      So in that scenario if I had took the advice it would have been a massive help to my wife not a ‘turn on’ but it would have shown I cared
      But I feel the problem is and we have dealt with now is that articles like this assume the woman would do the dishes and the man will do them for these ‘rewards’ be they in kind or in bed!
      My wife now works full time
      And I now am house husband with part time work and I can see everything how she saw it now and am not suprised she got the hump!
      I still struggle with ‘expecting’ some thanks
      I still feel like I’m doing things ‘for my wife’ as opposed to for the family

    • Mike

      Really,you are that difficult and complicated. Your poor husband. I do agree though, I work at home as a programmer to help my wife. He does little to nothing and still does not appreciate me,unless I take her on a date with no kids. I think women have this stupid idea that romance should be the same after children and years later. Woman are selfish and childish in the U.S.. Really though, I do everything house work,watch the kids and program for a company at the same time. She still complain of doing so much, even though she wakes at 10 AM, and I am up at 5 taking care of the kids and working my job. You U.S. women are slobs.

      • Jerk


    • MM

      What do you suggest then?

    • Psalm72:8 is Canada’s foundat

      Are you kidding me. I do the dishes and the wife is all over me. Love it. I work till 10 am every day so i have the privilidge of making sure the house us clean, and supper is ready for when she comes home from work. I had a hard time with sex with my wife till i did sone research. I started pointing my finger to myself after researching why its so hard to have sex with my wife. I also take the time to research natural God grown aphrodisiacs which i include with all my suppers. This girl (my wife) is so into me now days. Took a long time and sometimes i have to keep our sex life in check but she likes “pleasing” me now and i to her too.

      • Ronald Dean Ivy

        You are one lucky man! I really need to talk to you and get your secrets.

      • Michael GooSe Smith

        Been there done that, doesn’t work.

    • Jason

      I agree Madelyn, this advice is simple and really not very realistic. I think most of the things here are basic, and should already be part of your marriage. Doing the dishes or chores isn’t doing something for her, its doing your part.

      I’m definitely struggling to move from being “sweet and thoughtful” to being romantic, and I feel lists like these make it hard. Telling someone “she’s great” is basic, being romantic should be more than that.

    • FelimeGrace

      Madelyn, you must really enjoy washing dishes if you feel no gratitude for your husband washing them. XD lol

      • Madelyn Lang

        I feel a lot of gratitude when my husband dies something considerate. My point was that it doesn.’t necessarily cause me to have a desire for physical intimacy. That if only it was that simple. However. It is according to a wise plan that something as sublime and vital as sex is not reduced to a tit for tat, bean counting exchange. I think the idea that dishes equal sex cheapens the sex.

    • Fugly

      Famous last words of a clueless housewife. If you’re not sexing him up, someone else is.

  • Nicole

    This is so stereotypical! Not every woman is the same. This lists does not apply to me as I am sure that it doesn’t apply to every woman. Just like its sererotipical to say that men wants sex all the time. Believe it or not my husband and mines roles are reversed.
    You would think that someone who has a page on marriage would know that the more you take time to really know your spouse is truly the only way to know that person specific 4 ways to turn them on.

  • Nicole

    I will say though that I do hope this helps some people but also know that not everyone is going to take to those 4 ways.
    I do realize that my post looks like it is blasting and that is not my intention.

  • AJ

    Rolls eyes at unnecessary nitpicking, even among Jesus lovers… Eat the meat and spit out whatever you consider bones. Obviously, the author knows it’s not a one rule applies to all. You can see that in his language. And even if he did, is it so difficult to walk away with “Acts of service, showing instead of saying, surprises and gifts, verbal affirmation, non sexual contact, loving more, being consistent and not being lazy”?

  • Carl, thanks for calling husbands to love their wives. ‘The reality is you can’t be lazy.’ And yes, there are some wives who have health conditions or other issues that may make it near impossible to ‘get in the mood,’ and for them they need to seek medical attention. However, sometimes a more loving marriage is the only aphrodisiac you need.

    • Jason

      Bingo, I think the thing is everyone’s different, and it takes different things. I’m still searching desperately to find the right ways to be romantic with mine, and for some, basically these lists that equate to “do your part” or “don’t be an ahole” are all that’s needed. We should all seek the truth and love in our relationship and not be upset when there is no simple one-size fits all list.

  • These are great tips! Even if these ideas don’t result in a ready-to-go wife, she will appreciate the care and attention (and maybe she’ll be ready later). 🙂 Thank you for putting together this list.

  • Phil

    OK, what else do you have? Have been doing all of this consistently for years and our love life has still dwindled to the point of about twice a year. Got any other ideas to remain “emotionally attached” when there is no “physical attachment”?

    • Phil, these are just tips that focus on love languages. Every person’s situation is different. Some are far more complicated than others. Read the post 8 reasons my wife won’t have sex with me on this site. That being said, the biggest thing is you just need to talk about it. Even push the issue (of talking) without being a jerk of course. These things can take time and some really tough discussions to get flushed out.

  • Johnnie

    Thanks. For me I am the giver and my husband honestly don’t know how to give. Oh, I believe he loves me but, there is no giving here. Lazy! All of the things you said not to do, that’s my husband. He feels as through I am suppose to give, give and give but there nothing in return. I have been married for 35 years. I have given my all and he still don’t know what he need to do. I tired!

  • Tiff

    Carl I truly appreciate your input. Heading this come from a man is quite surprising. I read some of the comments, and very surprised at the women who took offense to your article. The women in my circle, although we are going diverse, with different background, different careers, etc
    It is cLear that we all want the same things from hubbies, acts of love, everything Carl stated lines up with acts of love. As wives we all know what our husbands want and how often they want it, most men are not afraid to tell us that much, so now the goal is for me to please me and in return I need him to please me too. Women are usually more emotional than physical, note I said usually and that does not mean women don’t have a large appetite for sex, it just means hubbies have to stroke our emotions if they want us to stroke their________ (u can fill in the blank) .

    • Thx for the thumbs up. It took me some time to figure these things out 🙂

  • DC

    How about just talking, one thing I can recall is the conversations we had when we were friends and dating! They were real “get to know you!” My wife Samantha and I been friends for 19yrs and married for 18yrs and we get so overwhelmed with life: kids, bills, work, health and even helping others that we lose essence of our mates. Before, I was medically retired from the Army, it was come hurry up help the kids do some chores around the house eat Church go to sleep. I feel it’s that time where you just spend with each other talking about how you feel, tell what your thoughts besides what can we do for the kids how to pay the bills.

  • Dis Gruntled

    I’ll tell you what would do it for me. Don’t do the dishes. I can do the dishes. Climb on the roof once a year and apply sealant around the chimney and vents, so that THIS house doesn’t fall down the way the last one did. Stop valuing your hoarded things more than you value my peace and comfort. Oh, and when I’m sick, don’t follow me into the bedroom at 11PM and ask me if I’m “feeling better” when you have not shown a sign of caring about that until this moment, when you think you are going to lose your “sex window.” And don’t buy me flowers when you know I haven’t been to the dentist for two years because we mysteriously only have money to add new movies weekly to your DVD collection. Oh, and keep misidentifying my love language as “physical presence,” in spite of being told over and over what it actually is, so you can justify sitting there in front of the TV or computer like a big lump of marshmallow cream, all evening, every evening. Never mind. It’s 25 years too late for any of this. I’m already gone, and there’s not a chance I’ll ever marry again.

  • Denise Hillyard

    #4 for the win. Nothing kills a female sex drive faster than constantly having it made plain to you that you’re only valued if sex is involved.

  • Matt

    What is your advice to the husband’s out there that do all of this stuff on an almost daily basis and get virtually no affection from their wives? Forget about sex. I am talking about a kiss, a hug, an “I love you”. What advice do you have for them?

    • Anthony Gentry

      Maybe your wife was spoiled rotten as a child? Expecting everything with nothing in return?

      • Joseph Christopher Pimentel

        where can i like this comment..

        • Psalm72:8 is Canada’s foundat

          The up arrow

      • Bill Force

        Truer words were never spoken, single child to older parents and NO was never in her vocabulary. Spoiled rotten was mild, more like Fra Bluker. Example, I bought her an excellent new Oldsmobile and one day when I reminder her of that fact her answer was, YES, but I wanted a Cadillac. I asked her why she didn’t voice this at the time and her answer, “You should have known”.

        • Jerk

          Get rid of here

      • Fugly

        Daddy’s little girl syndrome.

    • Peter

      If you tried everything for long time like few months then do the opposite. Focus on yourself and your development to be better and more attractive. Try to surround yourself with other woman (but do not cross the line!) So she could see that she might lose you and see how it its if you are not around doing all those nice things for her. Ofc you guys talked about your feelings?

      • Jason

        Peter, somewhat good advice but its nuanced. I think you should never lose yourself in your quest to love someone, and your’e right. However surrounding yourself with woman is dangerous. There is certainly something to it, if you’re desired by someone else, all of a sudden everyone wants you. Its a very dangerous and slippery slope though, sex the first time is easy and fun, I think the goal of this, and why we’re all here is to get good at sex all the times later.

      • Fugly

        This! Guys get wrapped up in being the nice guy thinking they’ll get sex because they engage in choreplay and buy stuff for their entitled spouse. All they get is walked on and treated like a servant. Now I understand the chore grievance and you should help with chores but not for sex. You should do chores because you’re a grown man and a parent and you need to take care of your home and your children.

        Youd be surprised when you self improve and make a network of friends how the entire power dynamic in your relationship turns on it’s head.

        If you find yourself in sexless matrimony hell, chances are they don’t want to have sex because you’re fat and/or boring. You’ve done what every other nice guy in history of marriage did and fell into the matrimony rut.

        • John

          True, I think this article is for a specific type of man, either a lazy man or one who’s wife is a home maker and should be doing chores like dishes and cooking.
          In those cases when a man steps up and does something hes not expected to it will turn his wife on….
          But the secret is doing something un expected, not necessarily doing the dishes. If your someone that does most of the chores then cleaning the house top to bottom isn’t gonna turn your wife on.
          Neither is being romantic and rubbing her back if that’s what you been doing every weekend for the past ten year.
          Be unexpected, be differant, we all get bored alittle and theres no shame in it, work out if your fat, put on some weight if your skinny. Be more aggressive if your a pushover. Or be more polite if your aggresive.
          Being alittle differant makes them look at you as a person, not a responsibility. That will interest them and get anyone excited.

    • Nancy Blanchard

      Matt, I realize this was written a year ago and you may not get this note… but maybe you might… my thoughts on this is that there are some much deeper issues going on there. If she is unwilling or, perhaps, unable to show you affection there are a range of possibilities of what is stopping that up. Is there something in her background that she brought into the marriage (perhaps unknowingly) that needs to be healed? Are there unresolved offenses within the marriage that might need some outside help to resolve. As a Christian couple, we are to be “for” each other and when one of us is “broken” the Lord will often use the other, if they are “less broken” and willing, to be part of what brings healing thereby strengthening the marriage relationship. I hope you have found some answers for your marriage. Blessings.

  • gail

    this hit the nail on the head. too bad he’d never read this.

  • Anthony Gentry

    Hahaha. I do all of those and it doesn’t make a difference.

  • Anthony Gentry

    How about an article or movie where the wife is the problem????

  • Nc

    Ok so,I work more hours bring home more money I cook I clean rub her back buy her gifts always make her feel loved but yet… I can’t get through I know I’m not bad in bed but it seems like she’s just not interested in me anymore. Any suggestions???

  • Patrick

    Maybe I shouldn’t say this because most women won’t agree with me but why is it that when you’re dating/living with a woman sex is not a issue. It’s when you say ” I do ” is when sex is a problem. I’ve talked to a lot of men that say the same thing. When it is brought up in conversation the subject is changed or ignored. Worked, kids, everyday stuff was preexisting so this sounds like lame excuses that just don’t won’t to be addresses.

  • Jason

    OK mate. I guess you’ve cracked the code for some desperate women types who are pining for attention. Truth is any guy/girl would be ready to make love as long as they truly love each other irrespective of the amount of work they need to do around the house. Any of the partner has the ability to deny sex to their counterpart for any reason. Women generally tend to victimize themselves here more than men. There’s no real solution to these. Love lost is Lost Love – partners just need to learn to live with it.

  • Norman Franks

    I do way more than the dishes, it’s more than housework, I think I treat my wife very well. I support her career, to the point that I took a back seat to hers, I compliment her always, I buy flowers, I try to eliminate her stress at home, and so on, but it comes down to this, some people are not into sex! Kids, careers, and life drain us, and although my libido has not decreased, hers has and this is life. I could be depressed about it, but life goes in cycles and hopefully at some point our cycles meet again. It’s not me, it’s not her, it’s not a lack of love on either side, it just is what it is.

  • David Neufeld

    Lol, bullshit, cleaning house, for sex… ha lol Ill do the dishes, but not for sex. I bet you anything that the writer of this article has been divorced atleast once.

  • Ronald Dean Ivy

    I do all these things like telling her that I love her. She told me that I really didn’t need to tell her that all the time. I do vacuuming, dishes, rub her back and all the good things but to no avail. Don’t know what else to do. Really, I’m a great husband to her! Now what can I do?

  • Eryn

    These articles are always frustrating to me. They always talk about how the husband wants more sex. What do I do if I’m the wife that wants more sex? These articles always make me feel worse…Like I must be doing something terribly wrong for my husband not to want me.

    • Eryn

      PS. Just to clarify…We’ve been married 8 years. We don’t have kids. He has a low-stress, high paying job. I have a equally high-paying job. He doesn’t have health issues. I haven’t let myself go (I’m 5’3, 110 lbs, and dress up nearly every day). I’ve tried texting, sending pictures, baths, massages, lingerie. (I know it’s hard for guys to be rejected, but let me just say there is nothing so uniquely demoralizing as getting rejected in full on lingerie and then having to take it off alone.) I’ve asked him what his fantasies are. I’m not sure what else to do.

      • Derek

        I wish i were married to you. My wife hasn’t put any effort into our sex life since after our first child 12 years ago. Since then, i can count on one hand how often we’ve had sex in a year every year since. Any when she finally “lets” me have sex with her, she is emotionally not there. I have tried everything. We’ve had numerous talks (all initiated by me), arguments, visits to a therapist, etc. I’ve tried telling her i love her every morning and night. I’ve tried doing everything around the house. I’ve asked her if she would like a massage. I’ve tried holding hands, hugs, or just touching her. She doesn’t respond to anything. My wife does NONE of these things for me. If I wouldn’t initiate contact or hugs or a kiss or sex, it would not happen. I have been working out to make myself more attractive to her, but without luck. I, like you, have not let myself go. I am 5’11” and 170lbs. I keep trying because i love my kids. I don’t believe anything will help our marriage, but i will keep trying. Though we don’t fight or argue in front of the kids, they don’t get to see true love or see how a good marriage looks. I want that for them most of all.

      • Lil Chick

        It’s much harder on a woman to be rejected because society says men are always into sex which makes wonder what’s wrong with her.
        I hope 1 year later things are better for you.
        He suffers low testosterone. See a GP

  • Akshay

    This is nice to read. I don’t have a wife yet but I like these tips and may help me in future when I’ll have one.

  • Tw

    None of this works…

  • Ray

    Doing the dishes or any housework JUST for sex is so wrong. I know it can be incredibly frustrating when your partner is never in the mood…. but do you really want pity sex?

    Something I’ve learned is that a woman’s sexual desire is far more connected to emotions rather than a physiological need. For men, very little emotional connection is needed to be sexually aroused. You need to focus on sparking her imagination. Ever wondered why women get so horny over the book ’50 Shades of Grey’? It’s 100% imagination and emotional arousal. There’s a brilliant guide by Alex Allman called ‘Passion That Lasts’ that I believe could help out many guys on here. Here’s a link to it: PassionThatLasts.Com

    Sex is a million times more satisfying when you and your partner both want it.

    • Moby

      So, so true.

      Thanks for the great share Ray.

    • meandanitoo

      You know nothing about women and even less about love. He clearly said :if you do these things just for s_x, you are wrong…”. because your motives are selfish. No woman will be fooled by it. He clearly said women need to feel loved in order to respond properly to her husband’s advances.

      Taking care of a home and children can be exhausting. Your husband comes home, plops down on the sofa, wants to be served and then expects you to be in the mood. To an exhausted wife, washing the dishes, putting the kids to bed and basically HELPING HER so she will feel less exhausted IS LOVE. It is an act , or acts of kindness that will endear you to her and motivate her to RESPOND positively to your advances. IN OTHER WORDS, SHE WILL SEE YOUR KINDNESS AS LOVE AND THIS WILL CAUSE HER TO WANT TO “know” HER HUSBAND. It is NOT pity. An exhausted wife does not have the time, energy or inclination to have relations with her husband based on pity.

      • LuscombeFlyer

        “Taking care of a home and children can be exhausting”. Of course it is! You know what else is exhausting? Getting up 90 minutes before everyone else in the house, going off to work, working 50 or more hours a week at a very stressful job, then coming home to cut the grass, clean the pool, trim the hedges, change the oil in the wife’s car,etc.

        I get what you’re saying about sacrificially serving your wife, but I do get weary of the stereotype of the inconsiderate sluggard husband who lays about the house while his wife struggles alone with the house and kids. Maybe wives should be appreciative of all that a good husband does to support and care for his family too!

        • meandanitoo

          I agree with you and am not saying that a wife shouldn’t be appreciative of her husbands hard work and efforts. Best to you.

      • Juan Valdes

        “Exhausted wife”? My wife is lazy, hasn’t done a dish since 2005, and wouldn’t know exhaustion if it slapped her in her stupid face. Isolated case, you say? No, its the majority. Every many man I know who will admit it is in the same boat. It is so rampant that groups of men are swearing now to never marry. This horse sh*t article states 4 things to do for her. WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR THEM AND IT GETS YOU THIS. How about females start being actual women and take care of their business. Look around, you aren’t going to find “poor exhausted whamen” blah blah. You will find a bunch of lazy, stank a*s slobs with disgusting houses, disheveled kids, on their phones patting themselves on the back while their husbands are at work slaving on the plantation of marriage. There are exceptions, just not many. So stop fluffing these wh*res up. They have done it too themselves. If your fat*ss wife wont have sex. Good. She is probably nasty as hell anyway. Go bang a cheap f*ck thats half her age and formulate a plan to get out . If she is withholding sex from you in a marriage on a consistent basis and expects you to stand on your head and perform magic tricks to get layed…IT IS ALREADY LONG OVER, STARTING FORMULATING YOUR ESCAPE, KEEP YOUR KIDS AND THE HOME YOU PAYED FOR BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY, LET HER DIE ALONE.

        • meandanitoo

          Whatever your wife is or is not YOU CHOSE HER. She did not become lazy, or anything else that you have accused her of overnight. She is exactly what she was what she was when you met her. I don’t think I have to state what it was that made you ignore what was right in front of you the entire time…but chose to ignore it in favor of whatever gratification you were getting at the moment.

          You may know some men who are in the same boat, but you most certainly do not know all men or the vast majority of men and therefore you cannot speak for all men. Some people, have the ability to make choices based on character and certain other traits that they find desirable. Some have to learn to do this. Some never learn to do it, but choose to become bitter and angry at the other person instead of looking at themselves. But at the end of the day you get to CHOOSE who you marry and if you choose wrong don’t blame your wife – blame yourself. All of that bitterness and anger in your post is a sure sign of your own failings, but instead of owning it you blame your wife when you and men like you have only yourself to blame.But if your wife is a whore sir, lets be man enough to say that you chose to marry a whore and then do some introspective thiking and ask yourself why you chose to do that.

          Marriage my dear is not about finding the right person. It is about BEING the right person. And judging from your foul mouthed commentary, you are not the right person any more than she is. Your wife didn’t exactly get a prize and to be honest, it sounds like the two of you are a perfect match. A lazy, gossiping “whore” wife and a foul mouthed, irresponsible, bitter husband who made a poor choice and is sorry that he is reaping the consequences of his choice.

          It seems to me that your wife didn’t exactly get a prize. Your attitude and language is so disrespectful it is appalling and yet you dare to think you deserve something better than what you have because you have a job and pay the bills? Take some responsibility for yourself and stop whining. You attracted the kind of woman who was best suited to your thinking which is shown by the vulgarity that came out of your mouth by way of your heart. Deal with THAT and you just might get somewhere.

        • samuel

          Exhausted wife’s are at times boring, they are always tired especially when kids are involved….. putting 5 to 7 months babies to bed is the most annoying, and how fast they awake from their slumber…. so my wife is always tired and she seems to be complaining all the time. i’m always in the mood when i return from work but my wife is not… my 7 months baby has become the head of the house and he determines when i should have sex with my. we’re always quarreling because i don’t sex when i most need it….

    • Lil Chick

      You hit the nail on the head Ray.

    • Andy

      Ray, I know your comment was 2 years ago (and chances are you wont read this!) but THANK YOU brother.

    • Quinn


  • floatpool .

    The best way not to get turned down for sex from your wife, quit asking. No more asking, no more arguing, totally ignore her and act like it doesn’t matter to you even more than it doesn’t matter to her. It’s the same way you deal with her anger about mundane bullshit, you “out anger” her. The minute you as man get on a bended knee she’ll even lose more respect for you than she already doesn’t have. I always love these brilliant educated women giving men advice on what men need to do, and what women want, when women don’t know what they want. Women only know one thing, what they don’t want, and that’s usually what you want.

    Women are full of shit. If I had a do over I’d go MGTOW. Women would come to the table more if they weren’t patronized in the job market, getting into college, and divorce court. The feminist movement didn’t do any favors for men, but it’s totally destroyed life for women. Women with all of this misdirected power is no different than giving a loaded machine gun to a retard.

    • Jason

      I have done all the above to get my woman in the mood nothing works! I work a demanding construction job cook, clean,do very nice things for her all the small stuff! Flowers going out to dinner taking care of her every need. She says it’s just the way it is in a relationship the sex for the first 2 years blew my mind and im very good at satisfying her needs and yes I know this. But for the past 6 years it’s been a constant struggle. I’m sick of it though I love her dearly if you love someone things shouldn’t change not saying I need sex every day but once or twice a week without having to beg for it would do allot. It’s been 6 years since we have been engaged she took the ring and said yes but won’t set a date says we will see, gets mad cause i bring it up but hell I would take a no at this point better than an BS response love her to death but very frustrating is a woman. Men that genuinely love there woman and devote themeselfs unconditionally to and have been honestly faithful to them need to least be shown some respect.

      • Crisstti

        Maybe you’re being too serviceable. Don’t ever beg for sex. It’s pathetic, and if she finds you pathetic she’ll be turned off by you. Have fun with her and iniciate.

    • Lil Chick

      Your advice is actually quite beneficial. Being a bit distant works! Actions speak very loud to us women.

      You can still go MGTOW now. If sex isn’t your thing, join them.

    • Paula Hokanson Cisco

      Well, you don’t seem to have very good view of women based on your last paragraph. If you have a hard time getting sex, it could be because you treat them as though they are stupid and 2nd class citizens.

  • James Dillard

    I have tried to show my wife that I love her from doing house work and cooking dinner and flowers at work. She tell me she not in the mood for sex with me any more. I done everything she likes to due in bed. Maybe it best she goes out and find someone who makes her happy again and does stuff she like. The last time we had sex she just lays there and don’t make sounds or tell me what she wants me to due. So if she satisfied with me what should I due different and take matter in my hand and play with myself. I hate to ask for a divorce but if she satisfied with me best to move out.

  • Dave

    Seriously? That’s this guys advice. A high school kid could have written this. People reading this are probably searching for real answers. Most dads and husbands I know aren’t the lazy slobs that keep getting described in these posts

  • Moby

    Ok, I agree with this article, but my marriage has a bit of a role reversal. I’m a teacher, so I’m with the kids more, play dates, dishes, cleaning, laundry, making dinner, getting her flowers, making her feel special, telling her I love her, planning nights out for us, cuddling on the couch and nothing. What do I do then. I have run out of ideas.

    • Lil Chick

      I felt compelled to write in and help you. If only you knew how much I hate logging into Disquis.

      You need to maintain your “beta” sweetness (looking after kids, making dinner etc) but now you also need to add more alpha traits.

      Have you got muscles, if not go to the gym? Can you earn more money somehow? Are you confident enough to speak to other women (as friends of course lol) and let her see that?

      Do you know how to speak to your wife in a confident but loving way. So what I mean by that is make your point, listen to hers but stand your ground. Don’t try and persuade her. Go ahead and do it anyway.

      You have it harder than the other guys on here because being a Benevolent Alpha is much harder than picking up their Beta skills. I have found the gym or lifting weights (at home if your a caretaker) is the best start.

      Go out with your mates and don’t give her sex before you go. Let her wonder what you’re upto.

      You need both traits. Benevolent (kind yet strong) Alpha and Beta (resourceful) guy.

      If you master this, you’ll never ever go without sex again (unless of course she suffers a physical problem that stops her from having sex)

  • Carlos

    So, after 8-10 hrs shift should I get home, do dinner, dishes and also clean the house and do the laundry, So she can get in the mood?

  • Ray Rivera

    Who writes these kind of articles? I mean… it’s just sex! If women weren’t taught to be so prude about sex, relationships between men and women wouldn’t be so harsh. But no, men got to do the impossible just to get sex, meanwhile women have to do nothing, as if they didn’t enjoyed sex at all. This “make your man beg for sex” ideology is what’s making so many relationships fail. Don’t listen to this bullshit! If your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you, go and have sex with anyone else. Sex is a relevant part of a relationship, if your partner doesn’t get that, you are with the wrong partner.

  • John Hadamek

    I am afraid that this completely untrue- I have tried all of these things and none of them work- sometimes you just have to live with the fact that you married someone with a low sex drive

  • dpop

    Seems easier just to beat off…. Yeah that sounds easier. – Same outcome.

  • Judy Antoinette


  • Judy Antoinette


  • Judy Antoinette

    Most trusted and recommended of all PI/computer expert on here for the job, you must have heard or see a user on here recommended him before, you should hit him up now for any infidelities issues,insecurity and spying related… mastershield55 @gmail.com is the great.

  • fl state guy

    I never have a problem getting my wife in the mood for sex. I tell my wife everyday that I love her that she is more beautiful now then when I meet her 12 years ago. But I mean every word I say it’s the truth she’s all that and then some to me send a text 1 or 2 twice a month don’t over do it. I touch her lightly and I’ll do that anywhere we might be. Another thing that is a turn on for her is I’ll give her a good massage and I won’t take it any further. I do all of this because she’s the love of my life and so much more. The things she does for me out is always more than I do for her. The sex Is a bounes that’s always awesome

  • Mike

    So, I’ve been reading a lot of things online in this topic because my wife isn’t as interested in sex as I am. We have 2 different sex drives. When we do have sex, it’s amazing. She orgasms 99% of the time. We have 3 children, and she has a great job and she is also in the army reserves. She has alot on her mind all the time. I think this causes a problem because she gets exhausted often. I’ve brought it up to her and she’s said it’s a problem with her, she said I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m perfect (her words not mine). So we have sex but only when I initiate and rarely. Like once a month, maybe twice a month. There’s a lot of rejection. Not in a bad way, she’ll say she’s not in the mood, or tired, or doesn’t wanna be touched (because she’s not a touchy person) but it gets too me. So I’ve been reading things about how to turn my wife on, maybe to find something I don’t do. Here’s my problem. I think I’ve spoiled my wife. I don’t mean to sound incredible, I promise I’m not exaggerating. But all the things that EVERY ARTICLE says too do. These are things I’ve been doing consistently for 3 years. I thought all men do, but come to find out. They don’t. I send my wife compliments via text every day. I leave for work and text her every morning saying good morning. Throughout the day I’ll say things like I love you, I’ll remind her of things I appreciate about her and how beautiful she is. When I get home I hug her from behind and kiss her and tell her how absolutely gorgeous she is. I do the dishes every night since she cooks, I buy her flowers every couple of weeks because I don’t want her to ever have dead flowers. I surprise her with date nights. I offer to give her back rubs whenever she wants them and tell her I’ll do anything for her. I think she is the most incredible woman alive and the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. This isn’t a game I run, I treat her like a queen every day of my life because I believe she deserves it. I help with the kids when I can and try to always cheer her up when she’s down. In the bedroom I give her oral sex EVERY time we have sex and give her an orgasm before we even have sex. I love to do it. I never ask for it in return. I randomly tell her how incredible she is. I constantly get caught staring at her and when she asks, what? I tell her I’m in awe of her beauty. This is just some of what I do. And I’ve done this EVERY SINGLE DAY for 3 years. She’s even noticed it and brought it up in joy, saying she can’t believe she’s got me and she is so thankful for me. But as I said. I think I spoiled her. Because even though she loves that I do these things, it is no longer a surprise. It no longer catches her off guard. I would never stop doing it just to make her appreciate it more because I love her more than I care about trying to help myself. I don’t want her to feel guilty or blamed. What in the world can I do tho to turn her on a little extra. How do I get her to want to just crave me. I just don’t know what to do.

  • Cf

    Your full of shit it dosen’t work.

  • sexyeyes1969

    Id like to make love to my wife but its been too long since we had sex together. she never initiates the affair at all. she is quite attractive looking for her age.
    I would love to see her again put on some black nylon stockings and a garterbelt with high heels like she did when we were more romantic.

  • Emmy Michael

    Well I believe when you are a gentle man not so hard on your wife, it also help . you can look your wife with soft and tender eyes let it be so romantic . cut side look and smile little .if she ask why you smile at her , tell her you look beautiful and charming now I truly understand why my love for you grow everyday .tell her i you want to wispper something ,go around her back close to her and tell her you are the best, start kissing her neck leak her ear softly and move back to her neck .. Tell her your body is so delicious .ask her do you like it…lol

  • Pete

    I think this is a mith.
    The “do the dishes” could be effective if you are one of those guys that think that house work is the women’s duty. What about those of us that do the dishes, take the garbage out, fix the bed, sweep the floor, do the laundry and more?
    Also, flowers for sex?
    Out of budget.
    When you give your wife flowers or reassurance, you should not expect repayment with sex. Perhaps the time when she needs them the most are the days when she cannot have sex.
    I am more into the communication approach; both need to openly discuss their needs and come up with a plan, and stick to it.
    If you have been married long enough you know that the microwave/slow cooker is a mith.
    Sex is a need, the same as eating and sleeping; and both husband and wife need to acknowledge that and be regular.
    Both need to treat each other with love, dignity and respect; because men come to the point that they also may not be “in the mood” if their wife’s mistreat them.

  • Dave

    This article is so much bs.. If the woman is not turned on by you then either you are not attractive (to her) or she’s just plain frigid.

  • stvnhthr

    There is nothing you can do to change your wife’s behavior. Nothing. Odds are she does not know why she is not in the mood. She may give you a chore list or request something romantic, but usually these ideas are her vocalizing her perceived wants. Doing what she ask is loving, but it won’t change her. It is always good to love and serve her but there is no guarantee things will improve on her end. Make your goal to be a better husband and you will not be disappointed if she does not change.

    The good news is God is in the heart changing business. Pray for wisdom and ask how you can please Him. She may change, she may not, but you will stop the futile attempt to find some circumstance or condition you can do to improve the situation.

  • John Hasseem

    I am at a lost point in my marriage. My wife’s career is taking off and I have been laid off. I am in complete awe at her success and more proud of her than words can explain. We have money so that’s not the issue but after 20 years in her field she’s finally being recognized for who and what she is. I’ve told her how proud me and the kids are of her. How great she is. Flowers, cards, everything. The problem is after 24 years of marriage she’s talking about the possibility of separating. Our sex life has always been fantastic. She’s very sexual and very sexy. She has just seemed to shut off a switch. Months without even being touched in anyway. I told her during our talk, I would love sex but I can go without for as long as needed while she and I figure things out. I have no idea where to even start because I had no idea there was an issue. There seems to be no affair; nothing I can find anyway. I just don’t know what to do or say at this point. She’s lost interest very quickly. I love her deeply and certainly don’t want to separate, but if that’s what she thinks she needs I won’t protest it. I’ve been dealing with the pain of being told this, but not to well. I just don’t know what to do. I have figured out, do not listen to YouTube videos on this subject. Opinions are everywhere and vary greatly.

  • Quinn

    This is a load of crap!!!!!!!!! I have never read something so wrong and so dumb. If your wife is not having sexual intercourse with you, I promise you there is a bigger reason. Flowers and dishes are not the answers. Good heck! This was a waste of everyone’s time! My wife and I have not had sex for 3 years now. But we’re working on it and we’re making progress. See, we have been through a lot together and we didn’t give up on each other. We almost did get divorced but we both felt like we shouldn’t give up that easily. A marriage is worth the fight and worth the trials and the hard times. My wife’s father, well, about 10 years ago, we found out he’s gay. Then 6 years ago her mom died from the flu at a young age. It was a freak death. My wife has struggled for years due to those two things happening. I top of that, I’m a recovering addict. So, our whole time we have been married, my wife has had to deal with an addict. She had to protect our kids and herself fist. After many try’s and my loving wife giving me one more chance, I think we finally have made it. We’ve been married 18 years. 3 days before Christmas I thought we were going to sign divorce papers, but instead my wife came to me and said she wants to make it work. She wants to grow old together. She loves me and I love her. Now we just need to figure out why she can’t have sex. She loves it! She just doesn’t have the urges or the will or want. After we’re done, she is happy and loved it. The issue is she has to get over something that she is holding onto that she is not aware about. Once she does that, she will trust me again, and she will let herself be vulnerable again. It’s hard for her but she is making progress. I just wish it was faster.

  • nomoO

    I already do the dishes and cook meals, now what?

  • Tom

    My wife can’t dust the house because of her allergies. So I do the dusting and running the sweeper plus other things. I’ve even done the dishes for her. She can’t drive so I take her where she needs to go. Plus many other things. As far as sex I hug her and kiss her trying to get her in the mood. She turns away every time. I did nothing to deserve that . I tell her I love her and that’s the only time I hear it in return. I haven’t been able to get sex from her for 10 years now. I guess I’m just stupid . But she didn’t have a problem cheating on me. When I asked why she said not my fault. If she can’t put out to me maybe she should get out.