Here’s a question, married ladies, that I encourage you to think about: Have you ever cheated on your husband before?
Now before you yell out a resounding “No!”, let me get a little more detailed with the question. I’m not only asking if you have had sex with someone else other than your life partner during the course of your marriage (um, that would include fantasizing about another man—or woman). I’m asking if your mind, body or spirit has ever shared what only belongs to your husband with someone else?
Ahhh. Now the issue is not so black-and-white, right?
Whether it’s sexually, emotionally or mentally, if someone is getting more of you (and more specifically, more of the real you) than your husband is, that is considered cheating. Cheating him out of being able to know you better so that he can love you more.
I thought about this when I read an article citing the fact that according to the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey, women are having affairs now more than ever. In fact, in 2010, the percentage of women who are unfaithful in their relationships rose 14.7 percent in 2010 while men (cough, cough) “held steady” at 21 percent.
When I researched the matter further, there is a family and addictions therapist by the name of Dr. Hokemeyer who said that there are a few reasons for why this is the case. One, women have become more financially independent; therefore not “needing a man” as much as they once did. Two, thanks (thanks?!?) to shows like Cougartown and Single Ladies, the social stigma of cheating has been lifted. It is now more acceptable to be unfaithful (in the world maybe, not in God’s eyes – I John 2:16). And thirdly, our views of sex are shifting. I found this part of what Dr. Hokemeyer said in an article (that I found on Hello Beautiful’s website) to be especially fascinating (and unfortunate):
“One of the most surprising phenomenas I’ve seen in my practice is the permissiveness with which parents approach their daughter’s sexuality. One of the mothers who I was treating talked about her 19-year-old daughter’s sexual escapades as if she was just accepted into an elite college. ‘The last guy who slept over was hot, hot hot,’ she said, practically salivating. She failed to see how inappropriate it was for a 43-year-old woman to be viewing her 19-year-old daughter as a friend, rather than a child who needs to learn moderation and responsibility around sex. I think this approach is endemic among parents of millennials. They are raising a generation of self-absorbed children who do not have an appreciation for true intimacy and an authentic connection with another human being.”
That starts with you establishing a true and real relationship with your own husband.
I’ve said before that I dig how in the (New) King James Version of the Bible, when a husband and wife had sex with one another, the word “know” was used. They knew one another (such as when Adam and Even had sex and created Seth – Genesis 4:25-26).
Do you really think that’s just about sexual intercourse?
I mean there’s all kinds of folks having sex right now who don’t even know each other’s last name let alone anything else.
Honestly, I believe that while the data may be speaking to sexual acts, if we cited how many people are not being truly committed to their spouses, the percentages would at least double, if not triple.
The relationship with your husband is supposed to be the closest one you have.
If you honestly can say that it’s not … Pardon the pun, but you really are cheating yourself.