Sex and Intimacy

Is Oral Sex a Sin?

Tweet about this on Twitter0Share on Facebook0Pin on Pinterest0

I opened my inbox and saw the first line of his message, “Is oral sex a sin?” The man went on to say that he and his wife had both enjoyed giving and receiving oral sex as a way to express their love and to experience the unique pleasure of giving pleasure in such an intimate way to each other.

He was writing to me because this enjoyable aspect of their sex life which had always been part of their marriage was now conflicting with his conscience. His pastor recently told him that oral sex was wrong and unnatural, and now this man was wondering if this could be true.

My first instinct was to reply that it sounds like his pastor has a boring sex life and is trying to justify it Biblically!

I know many Christians have hangups and baggage with sexual expression and enjoyment because many of us were raised with misguided, legalistic lessons about sex that taught the subconscious message that “…sex is necessary for making babies, but don’t enjoy it too much because it’s dirty.”

That’s a false, dangerous and misguided message.

Here’s the truth...

God made sex.

He made it for the enjoyment of a husband and a wife within the sacred covenant of marriage and it’s supposed to be FUN. There’s nowhere in the Bible that suggests oral sex is a sin within marriage.

In fact, The Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs) in the Bible has what many Biblical scholars agree are poetic references to oral sex. That book is so “steamy” that it was illegal to read it in public in many countries for centuries.

You and your spouse have an incredible amount of God-given freedom in your bedroom as long as ALL THREE of these factors are present in your marriage…

1. There is Mutual Consent (1 Corinthians 7:5).Whatever you do, you must both be comfortable with it. You must both feel safe. Your bedroom should be the safest place in the world for you and your spouse. If one spouse is always pressuring the other, that isn’t honoring the marriage.

On the flip side, if one spouse is never open to the requests of the other spouse to try new things, that probably isn’t honoring to the marriage either. Look for ways to serve, honor and encourage each other in the bedroom.

2. It is driven by love and not lust (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).Lust looks at people as objects to be used, love looks at people as souls to be cherished. Make sure you’re not using oral sex (or any sexual act) as a way to fantasize about others while in the act with your spouse.

Jesus even said in the Sermon on the Mount that to look at someone lustfully is to commit adultery in your heart. Keep your eyes, your thoughts and your fantasies focused on your spouse.

3. It is happening exclusively in marriage (Hebrews 13:4).Any sex (including oral sex) outside of marriage is a sin.

Oral sex shouldn’t be seen as a justifiable “substitute” for intercourse for couples who aren’t married. In the New Testament, we’re giving the high standard of not allowing “even a hint of sexual immorality” (Ephesians 5:3). Make sure you’re protecting your purity and the purity of others outside of marriage and you’re honoring your spouse inside the marriage.

I believe oral sex can be a beautiful and pleasurable way to bring more intimacy, pleasure, and connection to your marriage.

If it’s not happening in your marriage and you’d like it to, talk about it with your spouse.

Don’t pressure them. Just express your desire and ask if they’d be open to it. If they’re not comfortable about it, talk about the reasons why. Better communication leads to better sex (and improvements outside the bedroom too).

Above all else, honor each other.

For more resources to help you build more a more fulfilling sex life and a stronger marriage, check out our most popular video course, BEST SEX LIFE NOW, by clicking HERE

Tweet about this on Twitter0Share on Facebook0Pin on Pinterest0

Dave Willis is one of the most popular relationship bloggers on the internet with more than one million monthly readers. He's also the author of several popular marriage and relationship books including the new release, "The 7 Laws of Love." Dave, his wife Ashley and their four young sons live near Augusta, GA where Dave serves as a pastor at Stevens Creek Church.

You Might Also Like

  • Totally agree. =)

  • Curtis Szynkowski

    Hello, I am a 28 year old man and have been married for almost 6 years. I participated with XXX Church a couple years ago, and my experience was amazing. The x3 groups were very beneficial for myself and my marriage at the time.
    I would like to join this discussion, and would definitely like some sound feedback from the author and/or XXX Church because I am coming to him/her in love.. So please hear my heart in this.
    1) To the point of mutual consent. I do believe the use of 1 Corinthians 7:5 is taken out of context and a matter of opinion. Paul is encouraging a man or a woman to marry to avoid sexual immorality. This is sound advice from Paul.
    If you read the entire chapter in context, Paul is talking about depriving one another (in marriage of course), and recommending against it. Also, in verse 5 Paul is instructing (with consent) to deprive one another for a time from being intimate ONLY and WITH CONSENT so we may give ourselves to prayer and fasting, then return to one another so that Satan does not tempt us for our lack of self-control. The consent has nothing to do with consenting to what is allowed sexually in the marriage bed. In this case which Paul writes – The couple is consenting to not be intimate with each other to commit theirselves to prayer and fasting only for a time.
    2) Point #2… again using scripture out of context and used to drive an invalid point. This verse is about sanctification, not how you look at your partner while he or she has their junk in your mouth. (My apologies for the directness).
    3) Point #3 I don’t even know why Hebrews 13:4 is even mentioned here? Maybe to use where it says the bed is undefiled to drive the point that is an obvious opinion. Let’s get real with each other here.
    There are thousands of men and women (including myself) battling with temptations and fantasies driven by the porn industry, media, and music. I believe this is a question a lot of Christians have asked… “Is oral sex okay?” I’ve asked it myself. I am married, and there have been times where I honestly feel as if I am defiling my wife by allowing her to perform oral sex on me. Yes, it feels great… But doesn’t anything that pleases the flesh? I am under the notion as a Christian, if you have to ask yourself if something is OKAY, it’s probably a good sign that it’s not. If we feel conviction in our spirits, let’s listen to that conviction.

    Here was ultimately the deciding factor, that ultimately helped my wife and I make the decision that we would NO LONGER perform oral sex on each other (and if I was super transparent, I didn’t want to show my wife the definition when I found it out because of my fleshly selfishness, because I did enjoy when we performed oral sex on each other):

    LOOK UP THE DEFINITION OF “SODOMY” – There was a reason God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, and the “Sodomites.”

    Remember, “we do not wrestle with flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the of darkness of this age, against spiritual host of wickedness in the heavenly places.”(Ephesians 6:12) Please don’t allow the influences and lies of these forces to influence our thinking and actions. There are spiritual hosts of wickedness that are after the seed of man. We must be good stewards of our seed. What use does our seed do if it’s going into a sock, a towel, or our wives throats, or face, or whatever else the porn industry has influenced our minds with… (again apologize for the directness). Our seed is for creating God’s miracles – children – which we all were at one point. (I have and am guilty of these things, but thank you Jesus for your unfailing grace.)

    Please, again, please hear my heart in this. I do not judge or look at anyone differently or judging for what anyone chooses to do in their marriages. I don’t believe God does either. And every individual is walking their own walk and growing their relationship with Jesus. These are things He has showed me in my pursuit of Him. I hope this sheds a little light on this topic, because I know it is a question many Christians have asked. If there is conviction, don’t do it. “Crucify the flesh, pick up your cross daily, and follow me.” These are the words Jesus said to instruct us on how to become His disciples. We all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God, and no one sin is bigger or smaller in the eyes of our loving Father. Praise God for His grace, and everlasting love. Nothing will change how much He loves us.