Sex and Intimacy

Pray for Him Instead of Dating Him

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In 2014, I will be 40-years-old. This means that I’m about as old as hip-hop is and honestly, I have no problem with that. Personally, I tend to roll my eyes whenever people blame rap for all that’s wrong with our culture. For one thing, there has been some pretty positive artists that has come out of the genre (Public Enemy, Heavy D, A Tribe Called Quest, Pharcyde, Fugees, Queen Latifah, Common, Mos Def, Lupe Fiasco, Outkast, LL Cool J, The Roots are some who immediately come to mind) and secondly, does Miley Cyrus rap? Oh…OK. (LOL)

There is good and bad in all genres. It’s all about what you’re looking for.

Yet I must say that when I saw a picture a few days ago, and I read the shirt that a rap artist had on, I felt like it needed to be a PSA for single women who are dating guys who battle with sexual issues. Actually, it’s a PSA for single women who are dating guys with sexual issues—and they are in denial about it.

I remember when Jay Z and Beyonce’ first made their music debut. The song was entitled “Bonnie and Clyde ‘03” and the hook was “All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend. Down to ride to the very end is me and my boyfriend.” I won’t lie. I thought the song was hot. And yet now, 10 years later, after listening to (and looking at) some of Beyonce’s latest visual album (and let’s just say that it’s really REALLY sexually graphic) and then seeing a picture of her and her now husband, Jay Z and him having the word “Pervert” on the back of his shirt…first *sigh* and then secondly this…

Although the world tends to profess that being barely clothed, writing racy song lyrics and being open about every aspect of your sex life is sexually liberating, I personally know some women (and men, for that matter) who are also married to “perverts” and if anything, they actually feel pretty bound (Galatians 5:13).

And for the record, being a “pervert” is not just about being caught up in sexual perversion. By the very definition it (also) means “to lead astray morally”, “to turn away from the right course” and “to turn into an improper use”. Interestingly enough, many of these people saw huge warning flags while they were dating the “pervert” and decided to totally ignore them. And let me just tell you, they are not popping bottles of champagne and celebrating. These individuals are absolutely miserable.

So where am I going with this? When God created marriage and sex, the intention was to make you better, not worse. And ladies, being that submission is also a part of God’s design for a marital union (Ephesians 5), be very careful about getting caught up in the belief that you can change a man once you marry him. There are a lot of young and old women alike who tried to “save a man” when they saw that he had serious sexual issues and it ended up boomeranging. They actually ended up falling under the perverts influence. They were led astray…they were turned away for the right course and they were used improperly. Indeed, not all guys have to have “pervert” on their shirt for them to be one. Their actions will show it.

Bottom line, some men don’t need to be dated. Some just need to be prayed for.

So, if you’re in a relationship with a guy who is caught up in porn or sexual abuse, I hope you’ll go into 2014 focused on praying for him rather than dating him. At least for now.

No daughter of God needs to be caught up in a life of sin with her boyfriend.

God has something far better in mind for you.

This article was originally published here and is used with permission.

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  • Deborah West

    Please DO NOT point out submission to only the ladies. The correct reading is MUTUAL submission. Ephesians 5:21. Don’t forget it. Stop trying to blame women for men’s sins. Men are accountable and responsible for their OWN sin.

    • Mike

      With all respect, she wasn’t “blaming women for men’s sins”. The title captures the message well–some men (and women) need our prayers–NOT our companionship. When we date or marry someone who is caught up in sexual sin–we will struggle and suffer with them, because in marriage we (men and women) are called to “submit”.

      • Deborah West

        With all due respect to you, MIke – the author of this directly pointed to the ladies ” And ladies, being that submission is also a part of God’s design for a marital union (Ephesians 5), be very careful about getting caught up in the belief that you can change a man once you marry him. There are a lot of young and old women alike who tried to “save a man” when they saw that he had serious sexual issues and it ended up boomeranging. They actually ended up falling under the perverts influence. They were led astray…they were turned away for the right course and they were used improperly. Indeed, not all guys have to have “pervert” on their shirt for them to be one. Their actions will show it.” You are right in the fact that in marriage, if sexual sin was hidden from one spouse, then both spouses suffer when the truth comes out.

        • Mike

          You said she “blamed women for men’s sins”? While I see your point that submission is mutual, I just don’t see her blaming them for the guy’s sin?